Live Free. Live Happy.

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess! But there was a problem Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage
anniversary.  

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in
their period of 25 years.  

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret
of their well known "happy going marriage".  

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?
"  

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:  

"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.  

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on

Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to form two queues one Line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

What is Tension?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’

THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.

You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’

Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’

YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.

Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father?

EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.

Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”

THIS IS REAL TENSION. ☺

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a SHREDDER with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need another photocopy "

Moral of the story: never, never assume that BOSS knows everything!

Men Are Hard To Please …….VERY VERY TRUE

The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't , he says u are PROUD .
If u DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE .
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET , he says u have no B RAINS .
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE ;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT .
If u don't L ove him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Lovehim! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell him your PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME ;

Nine words women use...

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Got this as a forward from someone ...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"