Live Free. Live Happy.

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

What is Tension?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’

THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.

You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’

Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’

YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.

Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father?

EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.

Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”

THIS IS REAL TENSION. ☺

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a SHREDDER with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need another photocopy "

Moral of the story: never, never assume that BOSS knows everything!

Men Are Hard To Please …….VERY VERY TRUE

The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't , he says u are PROUD .
If u DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE .
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET , he says u have no B RAINS .
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE ;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT .
If u don't L ove him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Lovehim! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell him your PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME ;

Nine words women use...

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Got this as a forward from someone ...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved
by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom,
as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would
have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still
had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do
women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better

Why Kashmir is not a dangerous flashpoint for World
War 3 ! This situation could really happen :-)

Between 60's and 80's, the cold war between US and
USSR was such that if USA launched a Nuke-loaded
missile, USSR's satellites were capable of nforming
USSR army in 3 seconds, and in less than 45 seconds
USSR would also launch its counter-missile. US knew
that, and therefore, never attempted to launch one.

Recent studies commissioned by US DOD included one
likely scenario on a nuclear war between India and
Pakistan.

INDO-PAK WAR...

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian
Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and
when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going
to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.He