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Match Fixing

This joke was probably written in 2000 home series when SA ended up 2-0 in tests and 3-3 in ODIs, if I am right.:-)

A bookie calls Hansie Cronje before the match between India and SouthAfrica.
Cell phone rings. Hansie picks up.
Cronje : hello
Bookie : I am ....... Here.
Cronje : yes tell me
Bookie : how is the pitch
Cronje : ya dry and good for batting
Bookie : I want u to lose today's match
Cronje : impossible
Bookie : I will pay u $200,000
Cronje : will be difficult to make India win.
Bookie : I will pay u $250,000
Cronje : May be I could help you by reducing the margin... u tell by what margin we should win... will be much more easier
Bookie : no India should win
Cronje : OK. I will try my best
Bookie : no make it.
Cronje : OK.
Bookie : what will be the score
Cronje : 300, if we bat first
Bookie : no make it 220
Cronje : Impossible. Agarkar and Joshi are playing.
Bookie : 220 no change.
Cronje : I will try
Bookie : OK. If India bat first
Cronje : 180
Bookie : no make it 275
Cronje : no u are asking too much. Dravid is playing.
Bookie : OK make it $300,000
Cronje : This would be the toughest match in my life
Bookie : OK, deal is made.
Cronje : yes
Bookie : bye.

Match starts India bats first. India score only 220 in 50 overs. During the lunch break Hansie's cell rings.

Cronje : hello
Bookie : its me. why did India score only 220. Our deal was 275.
Cronje : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three, defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all catches and shots... I mean, if there is any... exactly directed to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Indians are too good at this, I tried re-arranging the field...but they never miss a fielder.
Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 63 extras.
Cronje : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Kirsten and Gibbs bowl.
Bookie : Okay... leave that... I want u to loose the match.
Cronje : I will try.
Bookie : South Africa should be all out for 180
Cronje : OK.
Bookie : bye.

S. Africa bats. They are making a serious attempt to not hit the ball and if at all they hit trying their best to hit to the fielders. They try to run only singles for doubles. But sometimes, they can't stop themselves from running. All South African batsmen charged down to Joshi's bowling and they purposely miss the ball hoping at least one would hit the stumps. But they got to run a bye for that as Dighe is still searching for the ball. Inspite of the bad display of batting, they score 218 of 49 overs. Last over, 3 runs required, the worst part is that its an Agarkar over.
Hansie is batting with Strydom. Bookie gets really furious. Hansie is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).
Cronje : hello
Bookie : its me! . What are you upto ?
Cronje : We tried the best we could
Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match
Cronje : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling
Bookie : I don't know... u are loosing

Agarkar bowls... Hansie tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.
(cell rings)
Cronje : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will find out.
Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don't take last two runs.

Hansie talks to strydom. Agarkar bowls... a juicy full toss. Strydom uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores are level.
(cell rings)
Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don't know what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u'r bat to the umpire.
Cronje : OK. OK. Don't worry this time I will! see to it we are not taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single.

Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. South Africa wins the match. Hansie faints. Bookie gets heart attack.


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