Author: rahul

Why Kashmir is not a dangerous flashpoint for World
War 3 ! This situation could really happen 🙂

Between 60’s and 80’s, the cold war between US and
USSR was such that if USA launched a Nuke-loaded
missile, USSR’s satellites were capable of nforming
USSR army in 3 seconds, and in less than 45 seconds
USSR would also launch its counter-missile. US knew
that, and therefore, never attempted to launch one.

Recent studies commissioned by US DOD included one
likely scenario on a nuclear war between India and
Pakistan.

INDO-PAK WAR…
Pak army decides to launch a Nuke-missile towards
India… They don’t need any permission from their
government, and promptly launch the missile.

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8
seconds, Indian army detects it and decides to launch
a missile in retaliation. But they need permission
from The Government of India. They submit their
request to the Indian President.

The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime
Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha (i.e., LS)
session. After three days, when the LS meets, due to
several walkouts and severe protest by the opposition,
it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for
a quick decision.

In the meantime, the Pak missile failed to take off
due to unknown reasons. Their attempts for a relaunch
are still on. Meanwhile, the Indian ruling party is
reduced to minority because a party, giving outside
support, withdraws support. Therefore, its first task
is now to get majority. The President asks the PM to
prove majority within a week. Meanwhile, an external
affairs spokesman requests Pak for some bilateral
talks, at the secretary and minister levels.

Next week, as the ruling party was not able to get
confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.
The acting PM decides to permit the armed forces to
launch the Nuclear Missile. But the Election
Commission says that a caretaker government cannot
take such a decision because elections are at hand and
this decision might affect the swing of votes
in the election.

A PIL (Public Interest Litigation) is filed in the
Supreme Court of India, alleging misuse of power by
the Election commission. The Supreme Court comes to
the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is
authorized to take this decision, in the interests of
the nation.

In between, one of the Pak missiles successfully took
off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target on a
government building at 11:00 AM. But there were no
casualties since no employee had reached the office by
then. In any case, the nuclear core of missile had
detached some where in flight. Pakistan army is now
trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

US condemns the use of a nuclear missile by Pakistan,
and offers to send its seventh fleet in Indian Ocean.
The Indian government, wary of the move, declines. The
Indian government finally decides to launch a nuclear
missile, after convening an all party meeting. This
time all the parties agree. It’s three months since
the army had sought permission.

But this time, some “pro-humanity”, “anti-nuclear”
activists come on road against the government’s
decision. Human chains are being made in CA, LA and
Washington for peace. Many E-mails are sent to Indians

condemning the government and mentioning “Please
forward it to as many Indians as possible.”

On the Pakistan side, the missiles keep failing. Some
time they fail to take-off, some time the payload gets
detached from the missile during flight. Some missiles
deviate from target due to technical failures or
high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan, these missiles
are
neutralized by Pak itself, as these missiles are now
moving backwards towards Karachi.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is used. Since Pakistan
army is unable to understand its software, it hits its
original destination: Russia.
Russians successfully intercept the missile and in
retaliation, launch a nuclear missile towards
Islamabad. (Note: Russian missiles never fail.) The
missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. It asks for loans from the
IMF and the World Bank. India expresses deep regrets
for what had happened and sends in a million dollar
worth of soaps.

So in the end, India never got to launch the missile.
Pak never got it right and got themselves screwed.

Indian Diplomacy at its best!

Conclusion reached by the DOD: Kashmir is now no
longer a dangerous flashpoint, and they turn their
attention towards Osama Bin Laden!

And they lived happily ever after.

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian
Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and
when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going
to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
“Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the
meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back
to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be
prepared.

One week later he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it
going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going to
be a very cold winter.”

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you
absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest
winters ever.

“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting wood like crazy.”