Author: rahul

  • School

    One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
    MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”
    SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”
    MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”
    SON : “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”
    MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”
    SON : “Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?”

    MOM : “One, you are Forty-TWO years old and should understand your
    responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

  • Funny marriage quotes

    A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

    The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

    I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

    Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

    Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

    Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.

    Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.”

    The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

    A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, “I’ve found a woman just like mother!”
    His father replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

    Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

    If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

    Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

    A man was complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!”
    “What happened?” asked his friend.
    “My wife found out…

    Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

    How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

    The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

  • Very interesting Law

    *Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant***

  • Husband Shopping

    A store that sells husbands has just opened in Seattle where a woman may go
    to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors,
    and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the
    flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you
    may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go
    back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping
    center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

    The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my
    last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

    The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.

    The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further
    up?” And up she goes again.

    The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and
    are extremely good looking.

    “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

    The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 –

    These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the
    housework. “Wow,” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be
    further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

    The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5

    These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the
    housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just
    think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she
    goes.

    The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 –

    You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
    This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank
    you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day.

  • Update

    After a break, there are new updates to the site.

  • Speech by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple

    ————————-
    Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

    ‘You’ve got to find what you love,’ Jobs says
    This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple
    Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

    I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the
    finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth
    be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation.
    Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big
    deal. Just three stories.

    The first story is about connecting the dots.

    I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed
    around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So
    why did I drop out?

    It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed
    college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She
    felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so
    everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his
    wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that
    they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list,
    got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected
    baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother
    later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that
    my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the
    final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my
    parents promised that I would someday go to college.

    And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college
    that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class
    parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six
    months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to
    do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it
    out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their
    entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work
    out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of
    the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop
    taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping
    in on the ones that looked interesting.

    It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the
    floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5ยข deposits to
    buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday
    night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved
    it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and
    intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

    Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy
    instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every
    label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had
    dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to
    take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif
    and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between
    different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great.
    It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science
    can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

    None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.
    But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh
    computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.
    It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never
    dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never
    had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows
    just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have
    them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this
    calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful
    typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots
    looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear
    looking backwards ten years later.

    Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect
    them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow
    connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut,
    destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and
    it has made all the difference in my life.

    My second story is about love and loss.

    I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I
    started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in
    10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2
    billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our
    finest creation – the Macintosh – a year earlier, and I had just turned
    30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you
    started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very
    talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things
    went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and
    eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors
    sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been
    the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

    I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let
    the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the
    baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob
    Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very
    public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley.
    But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The
    turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been
    rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

    I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple
    was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of
    being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner
    again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most
    creative periods of my life.

    During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another
    company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would
    become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer
    animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful
    animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple
    bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT
    is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a
    wonderful family together.

    I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired
    from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient
    needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose
    faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I
    loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true
    for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a
    large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do
    what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to
    love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t
    settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.
    And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the
    years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

    My third story is about death.

    When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live
    each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be
    right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33
    years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If
    today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about
    to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in
    a row, I know I need to change something.

    Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever
    encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost
    everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of
    embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of
    death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are
    going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you
    have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to
    follow your heart.

    About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in
    the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even
    know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly
    a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no
    longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get
    my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means
    to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10
    years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure
    everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for
    your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

    I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy,
    where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and
    into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells
    from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that
    when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying
    because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that
    is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

    This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the
    closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now
    say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful
    but purely intellectual concept:

    No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to
    die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one
    has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very
    likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It
    clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you,
    but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and
    be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

    Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
    Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other
    people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out
    your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow
    your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want
    to become. Everything else is secondary.

    When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole
    Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was
    created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park,
    and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late
    1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all
    made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of
    like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was
    idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

    Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog,
    and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was
    the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final
    issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you
    might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath
    it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell
    message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always
    wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish
    that for you.

    Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

    Thank you all very much.

  • 1ly 4 crazy sms lovers

    SMS Short Cuts:

    1dRfl – wonderful
    2 – to/too/two
    2dA – today
    2moro – tomorrow
    2nite – tonite
    3dom – freedom
    4 – for
    4get – forget
    4N – foreign
    ADN – any day now
    AFAIK – as far as I know
    AFAIR – as far as I recall
    ASAP – as soon as possible
    ATM – at the moment
    B – be
    B4 – before
    B4N – bye for now
    BB – bye-bye
    Bf -boyfriend
    BG – big grin
    BION – believe it or not
    BK – big kiss
    BTDT – been there, done that
    BTW – by the way
    By – busy
    C – see/sea
    CB – call back
    CUL – see you later
    CWYL – chat with you later
    DUZ – does
    DUZNT – doesn’t
    F2F – free to talk?
    G2G – got to go
    Gf – girlfried
    Gr8 – great
    Grr – angry
    H2 – how to
    HUH – have you heard?
    IC – I see
    ICCL – I couldn’t care less
    IK – I know
    ILU (or ILY) – I love you
    in4ml – informal
    KISS – keep it simple, stupid
    KUTGW – keep up the good work
    @ “At”
    MSG “Message”
    W “With”
    ATB “All the best”
    NE “Any”
    W/O “Without”
    B “Be, Bee”
    NETHNG “Anything”
    WKND “Weekend”
    BCNU “I’ll be seeing you”
    NE1 “Anyone”
    XLNT “Excellent”
    BWD “Backward”
    NO1 “No-one”
    XOXOX “Hugs and kisses”
    B4 “Before”
    OIC “Oh, I see”
    YR “Your”
    C “See, Sea”
    PCM “Please call me”
    1 “One, Won”
    CU “See you”
    PLS “Please”
    2 “Too, To, Two”
    DOIN “Doing”
    PPL “People”

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Original smiley
    ๐Ÿ™‚ Classic smiley
    ๐Ÿ˜‰ Wink
    :-)) Very happy
    |-) Hee-hee
    ๐Ÿ˜€ Laugh loud
    ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Amazement
    :^D” Great! I like it!
    :-* Kiss
    <3 I love you :-s Confusion {} No comment :-C Totally unbelievable :-X Big wet kiss :-9 Licking lips %-) Confused *:* Fuzzy face :-@ Screaming :-7 Wry remark :-p Sticking out tongue :-( Frown :> Develish grin
    (:-|K- Dressed to kill
    :-|| Angry
    ::=)) Seeing double
    :-> Hey
    |:-0 No explanation
    #:-) Hair in a mess
    >;-(‘ I am spitting mad
    #-) Partied all night
    ๐Ÿ˜ Hmmm
    :-& Tongue-tied

    — dharma

    L8 – late
    L8r – later
    LMK – let me know
    M8 – mate
    MOF – matter of fact
    MT – empty
    MTE – my thoughts exactly
    NAGI – not a good idea
    Ne – any
    Ne1 – anyone
    No1 – no one
    nrg – energy
    OIC – Oh I see
    OK – okay
    ONNA – oh no, not again!
    OTT- over the top
    PCM – please call me
    Pls – please
    Ppl – people
    PTL – praise the Lord
    R – are
    Re – regarding
    RUOK – are you okay?
    Spk – speak
    Sry – sorry
    SWAK – sealed with a kiss
    THX – thanks
    TTYL – talk to you later
    TXT – text
    U – you
    U@ – you at? (where are you?)
    UOK – you okay?
    UR – your/you’re
    Usu – usually
    W8 – wait
    W84M – wait for me
    W/ – with
    Wan2 – want to
    wn – when
    WMF – works for me
    XLNT – excellent
    Y – why
    YM – you mean
    YR – yeah, right
    GONNA “Going to”
    SUM1 “Someone”
    3SUM “Threesome”
    GR8 “Great”
    STRA “Stray”
    4 “For, Four”
    H8 “Hate”
    THNQ “Thank you”
    ๐Ÿ™‚ “I’m happy”
    L8 “Late”
    THX “Thanks”
    ๐Ÿ˜ฎ “I’m surprised”
    L8R “Later”
    U “You”
    ๐Ÿ™ “Sad face”
    LUV “Love”
    UR “You are ”
    d:) “Baseball cap ”
    MOB “Mobile”
    WAN2 “Want to?”
    ;-/ “Confused”
    2DAY “Today”
    F2T “Free to talk”
    RUOK “Are you okay?”
    2MORO “Tomorrow”
    FWD “Forward”
    RGDS “Regards”

    (:-… Heart-broken
    %-) I’m tipsy but happy
    #:-o Oh no!
    :-# My lips are sealed
    ๐Ÿ˜Ž Sender wears glasses
    :+( I’m hurt by that
    :*)? Are you drunk?
    <:-0 Eeek! :-e I'm disappointed (-: Sender is left-handed <:-) Dumb question ~o~ Bird :@ Ouch! :-(*) Sick comment (:-) Bald :// Frustrated :3-< Dog d:-) Hats off to your great idea :-$ Put your money where your mouth is :-{) Sender has moustache |-| Going to sleep :@) Pig \o/ Praise the Lord *<:o) Clown :-{)} Sender has moustache & beard :=8) Baboon 8^ Chicken ~#:-( Bad hair day :'-( I am crying :*) I' tipsy :-o Oh O:-) Innocent &:-) Sender has curly hair

  • Redifining Attention !!!

    First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy
    class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery
    table with the body covered with a white sheet.
    The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is
    necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor : The first is that
    you are not disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
    For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in
    the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.”Go ahead
    and do the same thing,” he told his students.
    The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
    took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on
    it.
    When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told
    them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my
    middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay
    attention………”

  • Eight Monkeys

    I guess we follow this… honestly….

    This one is brilliant…..read on ..it makes lot of
    sense! Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of
    the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas
    hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey
    tries to climb the ladder, all the other monkeys are
    sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.
    Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the
    ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be
    sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of
    the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.
    One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new
    monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the
    ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are
    doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately
    begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall
    upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.
    However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A
    second original monkey is removed and replaced. The
    newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all
    the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This
    includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
    he’s not on the receiving end this time, participates
    in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing
    it. However, he has no idea why he’s attacking the new
    monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are
    replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None
    of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of
    them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
    enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries,
    without having any idea why. “AND THAT’S HOW MANY
    COMPANY’S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED”.