Author: rahul

Where is God?

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits’ end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, “Sure, do that before I kill them!”

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, “Where is God?”

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, “Where is God?”

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked, “Where is God?”

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, “We are in BIIIIG trouble.”

The older boy asked, “What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?”

His brother replied, “God is missing and they think we did it. …!!! ”

Indian movies will alwayz be an eye opener.Here is a story of Vijaykant’s
next (Telegu) movie Its named as “Captain Planet”(WOW !!! wer do they get
these names??)

Vijaykant is a scientist in NASA…….( yes folks……….u read that
right.NASA…the American space lab-A very big set designed for this by
kalaipuli S.Dhaanu).

When our hero was busy launching a satellite to Pluto, his wife simran is
about to deliver a baby and she wanted to meet him. But the launch process
badly need a person like our hero, and there is no other option.

Senior scientist Radha asks him to stay back till it gets launched.
Our well commited hero successfully launches the satellite, and comes back
home in a horse (wer are all the planes gone.??….:)), but his wife is
dead. Mean time, other scientists in NASA claim that they wer responsible
for the launch and they didnt recognise Vijaykanth.

He resigns from there and comes back to india with his family leading a
peaceful life…. days go by till……

Oneday, the scientists, to their surprise found that SUN is reaching EARTH
slowly and after sometime it may BURN the earth to ashes.. All the
scientists are worried how to save the EARTH..

Then they realize that only “THE HERO” (Vijaykanth) can do it…

They visit India,telling him the facts, and Vijaykant joins back there to
complete the mission of saving the EARTH…After a very big research,
Vijaykant is inventing an instrument.

The instrument will deflect the SUN from its path to EARTH..

All the scientist are very happy and appreciating vijaykanth’s invention.

So finally Vijaykant is all set to go into the SPACE and save the earth.

He and one other person (Chandra sekhar, Who is a prisoner in Vellore, Has
been choosen by our hero because none other in US army can do that job)
are travelling in an spacecraft towards the SUN.

They moved out of earth and in space & Vijaykant is coming out of the
spacecraft and standing on the Wings of the spacecraft.

He is taking out the instrument and showing it to the SUN…..

oh!!!!!!!! The instrument is not working… The terrorists deactivated it
!!!(ha ha ha …..u got to be kiddin me)

All the scientists are worried at the earth station…..tension mounts
up……….

SUN is reaching the EARTH slowly………….

Climax – With the SUN floats towards the EARTH, VIJAYKANTH puts one leg on
spacecraft , turns back, kicks off the SUN with ultimate force.. and jumps back
to the spacecraft….

now the SUN is deflecting away from its path to EARTH!!!!!!!!!!! EARTH
SAVED…

He shows Indian flag in his hand and the spacecraft moves back to earth!

The End

Guyz im not joking…..this is how the movie goes…….jaihind…:):):))))

Four brothers left home for college, and they
became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years
later,they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the
gifts
they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in
another
city.
The first said “I had a big house built for Mama.”
The second said “I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in
the house.”
The third said “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”
The fourth said “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you
know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met
this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire
Bible.
It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to
contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it
was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the
parrot will recite it.”
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out
her Thank You notes. She wrote:

“Milton, the house you built is so huge. I
live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks
anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home,
I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The
thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater
with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are
dead,
I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank
you for the gesture just the same.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to
have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift.

The chicken was delicious. Thank you.”

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a
child’s whispered, “Hello?” “Is your Daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes,” came the answer.

“May I talk with her?”

Again, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked the child, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss
asked “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the firemen,” came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is
that noise?”

“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, “The search team just
landed the hello-copper.”

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss
asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle
“Me.”

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and
drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few
people
got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,
built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the
driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically
meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he
wasn’t
happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show
of
refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that,
and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep
over
the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building
courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the
summer,
he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about
himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said,
“Big John doesn’t pay!,” the driver stood up, glared back at the
passenger,
and screamed, “And why not?”

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus
pass.”

Moral of the story:

Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to
solve one.

James Bond vs. INDIAN Hyderabad guy

James Bond Style: The character James Bond has a peculiar style of introducing himself by calling first Bond, then followed by great smile & finally James Bond.

His style is absolutely killing but he doesn’t know the consequences when he meets our great south indian guy.

When Bond meets a Hyderabad guy

James Bond: “My name’s Bond…(smiles and then says)…. James Bond.”

James Bond: “And you?”

Telugu Guy : “I am Sai…

Venkata Sai…

Siva Venkata Sai…
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….
Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…
Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…..
Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….
Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….

James Bond faints!!!

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry
and resentful about her situation, she had decided that she
would rather die than to live another year in prison. Over the
years she had become good friends with one of the prison
caretakers.

His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died
in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner
died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone.
The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket.

Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before
returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the
casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.

Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and
shared it with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the
woman would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where
the coffins were kept.

She would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the
caretaker was filling out the death certificate. When the care-
taker returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin
outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along with the
dead body. He would then bury the coffin.

The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe
until later in the evening when the caretaker would return to the
graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open
it, and set her free.

The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since
he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he
agreed to do it. The woman waited several weeks before some-
one in the prison died.

She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring.
She got up, picked the lock of her cell, and slowly walked down
the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times. Her heart
was beating fast.

She opened the door to the darkened room where the coffins
were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the coffin that contained
the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut
to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut.

Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and
nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with
the dead body, she knew that with each nail she was one step
closer to freedom.

The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the
graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground.
She didn’t make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave
with a thud.

Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin,
and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be free
at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began to laugh.
She was free! She was free!

Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity
of the dead prisoner beside her. To her horror, she discovered that she
was lying next to the dead caretaker.

Many people believe they have life all figured out…..
but sometimes it just doesn’t turn out the way they planned it .

A man comes to dinner at a new friend’s house. While they eat, the
new friend’s small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the
guest says, “Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?”

The kid says, “Daddy told me you were a self-made man.”

“I am.”

“Well, why did you make yourself ugly like that?”