Author: rahul

Suddenly one of the employees in an organisation
took 10 days Leave
without any notice. When he returned his
PL(project leader) asked for explanation..
The employee said “sir, my mom died unexpectedly”…
The PL let it go at
that!!!..
After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this
time he said his father
died…. Then the PL got changed..
After 3 months the same pattern repeated.. And the
employee gave. The
explanation that his mom died. After 3 months same
thing again, and this
time his father died. This happened repeatedly for
2 years.
At the end, one PL checked his past records and told
him, “I have caught
you red handed, How come in the past 2 years, your
mom has died 5 times,
and your dad has died five times?”
To which the guy said, “Sir, My mom died and my
father remarried. Then my
father died and my new mom remarried.. Then my mom
died and the new father
remarried.. This has been going on and on…

Three Tough Mice

There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes
a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the table and says, “I’m the
toughest mouse in this city. I’m so tough that I walk throughout
the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up
the pellets with my morning coffee — just for an extra jolt to
start off each day.”

The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey —
throws his glass on the floor and says, “I’m the toughest mouse in
this city. I’m so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I
trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on
its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over
with my feet — then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for
breakfast. It’s all part of my morning routine.”

The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the
conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, “I’ve had
enough of you two. I’m going to go home and screw the cat.”

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed
through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit
except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her
grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the
young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving
each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch
black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without
saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash
for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped
him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the
young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t
missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed
me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He
thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance
to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same
time!”
Be A Smart Programmer!!!!!!

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data – to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply :
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No
phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come,
he said: “Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil
gayee hoon.”
Everyone was delighted.
Laloo prasad continued…… “Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa – par letter
angreeze main hai – isliye saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad —– Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet —– aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement —– humko to ! zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance —– ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call —– phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained —– bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks —– aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavaad.
Bilva.

The moral of the story is to always keep one’s spirits up and think positive.

A company, feeling it was time for a shapeup, hires a new CEO. The
new CEO is determined to rid the company of all unproductive
workers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a young chap
leaning on a wall and relaxing. The room is full of workers who were
busy working, except for this guy. The CEO decides to let his staff
know that he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you
make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I
make $300.00 a week………Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, “Here’s two
weeks’ pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”. Surprised and in
fear, the guy immediately leaves.

Feeling pretty good about having fired his first worker, the CEO
looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me which
department that worker belonged to?”

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “He was the
Pizza Delivery guy from Domino’s.”

Once a husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so
he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed
wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home
to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her
e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which
read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: 16 May 2002

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was
Regards,

These are sooooo cute and you will chuckle!!

7 reasons not to mess with a child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a

whale to swallow a human because even though it was

a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a

whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could

not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask

Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom

of children while they were drawing. She would

occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,

she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what

God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her

drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her

mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

noticed that her mother had several strands of white

hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,

“Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do

something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of

my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while

and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s

hairs are white?”

The children had all been photographed, and the

teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a

copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you

are all grown up and say,

‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s

Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out,

“And there’s the teacher, She’s dead.”

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of

the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,

she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the

blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn

red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in

the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my

feet?” A little fellow shouted,

“Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a

Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of

the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end

of the table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want.

God is watching the apples.

One day I met a friend of mine. He was a salesman for a Cola company,
posted in the Middle East. Seeing him back home,
I got surprised and asked,” Weren’t you supposed to be in Arabia?”

He gave his account thus.
“I got posted in the Middle East. I was very confident that I will make a
good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown
there. But I had a problem as I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So I planned
to convey the message through pictures. I
made 3 posters:

First – A man crawling through the hot desert sand totally exhausted and
panting.

Second – The man is drinking our Cola.

Third – Our man is now totally refreshed.”

“That’s a very good ad”, said I,” what can be a problem with it?”

He replied, “I didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left.”

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded in the middle
of nowhere.

2 Italian men and 1 italian woman
2 French men and 1 french woman
2 German men and 1 german woman
2 Greek men and 1 greek woman
2 Polish men and 1 polish woman
2 Mexican men and 1 mexican woman
2 Irish men and 1 irish woman
2 American men and 1 american woman
2 Indian men and 1 indian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island the following was observed.

A- one italian killed the other italian man for the italian woman.

B- The 2 french men and the french woman are living happily together.

C- The 2 german men have a strictly weekly schedule of when they alternate
with the german woman.

D- The 2 greek men are sleeping together and the greek woman is cooking and
cleaning for them.

E- The 2 polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at
the polish woman and they started swimming.

F-The 2 mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to
sell them the mexican woman.

G- The 2 Irish men began dividing the island into Northern and Southern
parts and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember the irish woman
because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky,
but at least the english are not getting any.

H- The 2 american men are contemplating suicide. The american woman is
bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism,how she
can do everything fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how
her boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her better and how her
relationship with her mother is improving.

I- The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
indian woman.

1. A candidate’s application: “This has reference to
your advertisement calling for a ‘typist and an accountant – Male or
Female’… As I am both for the past several years and I can handle
both, I am applying for
the post.

2. An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I
have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please
sanction me one week leave.

3. Another employee applied for half day leave as
follows: “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground and I may not
return,
please grant me half day casual leave”

4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the
headmaster: “As I am studying in this school I am suffering from
headache. I request you to leave me today”

5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his
friend’s letter “I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to
the school”

6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As
my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

7. A covering note “I am enclosed herewith…”

8. Another leave letter written to Administration
dept: “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for
it, please grant me 10 days leave.”

9. Actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband
at home I may be granted leave”.

10. Letter writing: – “I am in well here and hope you
are also in the same well.”