Live Free. Live Happy.

Author: rahul

  • Telugu Movie Direction

    How ridiculous can direction get! Here is a sample. This describes three
    scenes in the movie “Sambhavi IPS” starring the ACTION heroine
    VijayShanti.

    Courtesy: www.fullhyd.com
    Link : http://www.fullhyderabad.com/scripts/profiles.php3?section=Movies&name=Sambhavi+IPS

    Sambhavi IPS
    ————

    Cast : Vijayashanti, Telangana Shakuntala, Costume Krishna
    Director: Nageshwara Rao

    SCENE 1
    ——-
    Vijayashanti has three thugs chasing her. She has only one bullet in her
    pistol. She takes out a knife and places it before the gun. The bullet
    splits into three and the thugs die.

    SCENE 2
    ——-
    Next: a gangster is chasing La Femme Sambhavi. The lady has a gun but no
    goli (bullet) in it. So she waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as he
    does, she opens the bullet compartment of her gun and catches the bullet.
    Then, she closes the bullet compartment and fires.

    SCENE 3
    ——-
    Reliable sources in Tollywood say there was another scene where
    Vijayashanti suffers from a brain tumor that, according to the doctors,
    can’t be cured, and her death is imminent. Then, in one of the fights, the
    lady is shot in the head and the bullet passes through her head taking the
    tumor along with it, and she is cured! But they had to chop this scene out
    because the running time exceeded its tolerance limits. Long Live Lady
    Superstar.

  • Professor Plumber

    One professor of mathematics noticed that his
    kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The
    plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and
    everything was working as before. The professor was delighted.
    However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute
    later, he was shocked.
    “This is one third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.
    Well, he paid and then the plumber said to him:
    “I understand your position as a professor.
    Why don’t you come to our company and apply for a plumber
    position? You will earn three times as much as a
    professor.
    But remember, when you apply, tell them that you
    completed only seven elementary classes. They don’t like
    educated people.”
    So it happened. The professor got a plumber
    job and his life Significantly improved. He just had to seal
    a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up
    significantly.
    One day, the board of the plumbing company
    decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes
    to complete the eight grade.
    So, our professor had to go there too.
    It just happened that the first class was math.
    The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked
    for a formula for the area of the circle.
    The person asked was the professor.He
    jumped to the board,and then he realized that he forgot the
    formula.
    He started to reason it, he filled the
    white board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas
    to conclude the result he forgot. As a result he got “minus pi times
    r square”. He didn’t like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the
    minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He
    was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and …….
    saw all the plumbers whisper: “Switch the limits of the integral!”

  • Garden Plow

    The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

    “Hello?”
    “Hello, is this the FBI?”
    “Yes. What do you want?”

    “I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux, who is hiding
    marijuana inside his firewood logs.”

    “Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

    Next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the
    shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of
    wood, but find no marijuana. They glare at Thibodeaux and leave.

    The phone rings at Thibodeaux’s house.

    “Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?”
    “Yeah!”
    “Did they chop your firewood?”

    “Yep”
    “Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

  • Reply to Letter

    This story is about a rather strange reply for a
    campground reservation. It is said to be true,
    but you be the judge.

    A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,
    and elegant – especially in her language – was
    planning a week’s vacation in Florida so she wrote
    to a particular campground and asked for a
    reservation.

    She wanted to make sure the campground was fully
    equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about
    the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring
    herself to write the word ‘TOILET’ in her letter.
    After much deliberation, she finally came up with
    the old-fashioned term ‘BATHROOM COMMODE.’ But
    when she wrote that down, she still thought she
    was being too forward. So, she started all over
    again, rewrote the letter and referred to the
    bathroom commode merely as the B.C. ‘Does the
    campground have it’s own B.C.?’ is what she
    actually wrote.

    Well, the campground owner wasn’t old-fashioned at
    all and when he got the letter, he just couldn’t
    figure out what the woman was talking about. That
    B.C. business really stumped him.

    After worrying about it for a while, he showed the
    letter to several campers, but they couldn’t
    imagine what the lady meant either. So the
    campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion
    that the lady must be asking about the location of
    the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the
    following reply:

    ‘Dear Madam: I regret very much for the delay in
    answering your letter. I now take the pleasure in
    informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles
    north of the campground and is capable of seating
    250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a
    distance away if you are in the habit of going
    regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to
    know that a great number of people usually take
    their lunches along and make a day of it. They
    usually arrive early and stay late.’

    ‘The last time my wife and I went was six years
    ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up
    the whole time we were there. It may interest you
    to know that right now, there is a supper being
    planned to raise money to buy more seats. They’re
    going to hold it in the basement of the B.C.’

    ‘I would like to say it pains me very much not to
    be able to go more regularly but it is sure no
    lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it
    seems to be more of an effort, particularly in
    cold weather.’

    ‘If you do decide to come down to our campground,
    perhaps I could go with you the first time you go,
    sit with you, and introduce you to all the other
    folks.’

    ‘Remember, this is a friendly community.’

  • Indian Mathematics

    SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT .

    An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

    One Chinese gymnast = India’s Gold Medal tally since 1896

    Sushmita Sen – 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

    Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

    4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song
    in Hindi movie.

    Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own

    production company = Kajol

    Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mom’s favorite serials.

    Amitabh Bachchan – Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.

    Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan – Talent.

    Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

    1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

    1 person – shirt = Salman Khan

    1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt

    1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

    One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four Hundred
    Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace
    = One Sooraj Barjataya Film.

  • World of Romance

    World of romance

    In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
    happy.
    Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes
    and
    points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something
    she
    expects.
    Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the
    point
    system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES
    You make the bed (+1)
    You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

    You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the snow (+8) But return
    with
    something else (-5)

    You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

    You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

    You pummel it with a 6-iron (+10)

    It’s her pet (-10)

    SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS —– GREAT ONE !!!
    You stay by her side the entire party (0)

    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
    buddy
    (-2)
    Named Roshni (-4)
    Roshni is a dancer (-6)

    HER BIRTHDAY
    You take her out to dinner (0)
    You take her out to dinner and it’s not a bar (+1)

    Okay, it’s a bar (-2)

    And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)

    It’s a bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
    colors of your favorite team (-10)

    You forgot her birthday (-100000)

    A NIGHT OUT
    You take her to a movie (+2)
    You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
    You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
    You take her to a movie you like (-2)
    It’s called Julie (-30)
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

    YOUR PHYSIQUE
    You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
    Hawaiian shirts (-30)

    You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

    ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION
    She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yeah, you lose points no matter
    what]
    You hesitate in responding (-10)

    You reply, “Where?” (-35)

    You reply, “Yes” (-5000)

    Any other response (-20)

    COMMUNICATION
    [When she wants to talk about a problem] You listen, displaying what
    looks
    like a concerned __expression (0)

    You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

    She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

  • Words Woman Use

    WORDS WOMEN USE
    ******************************
    FINE
    This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you(guys)
    need to shut up.

    FIVE MINUTES
    If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes
    is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes
    to watch the game before helping around the house.

    NOTHING
    This is the calm before the storm. This means “something,” and
    you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with ‘Nothing’
    usually end in “Fine”

    GO AHEAD
    This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.
    LOUD SIGH
    This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
    often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you
    are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
    here and arguing with you over “Nothing”

    THAT’S OKAY
    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
    make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long
    and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your
    mistake.

    THANKS
    A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
    you’re welcome.

  • Woman and the Frog

    A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

    The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three 3 wishes.” The woman freed the frog. The frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!”
    The woman said, “That would be okay.”

    For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this
    wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.”
    The woman replied, “That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.” So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.

    For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.”
    The woman said, “That will be okay because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.” So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!

    The frog then inquired about her third wish,
    ……. And she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

    Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them!

    Attention Lady Readers: This is the end of the joke for u. Stop here and continue feeling better.

    Male Readers, please scroll down …..
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    The man had a 10 times milder Heart Attack !!! (:-:)

    Moral of the Story : Women are dumb so u can very easily mess with them!!!

  • Views on Wives

    These are the views of some really great people about a wife. If U diagree with it just delete it , else save it. But remember ur diagreeal doesn’t make a difference as I guess these people who have stated these are far more intellectual than we are …………… So just enjoy 🙂 !

    Every man should get married sometime;
    after all, happiness is not the only
    thing in life!!
    –Kevin.

    —————————————
    An archaeologist is the best husband
    a woman can have; the older she gets the more
    interested he is in her.
    –Agatha Christie

    ——————————————————————–
    Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not
    fair that some men should be happier than others.
    –Oscar Wilde

    ——————————————————————-
    Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
    –Scottish Proverb
    ——————————————————————
    I don’t worry about terrorism. I was
    married for two years.
    –Sam Kinison
    ——————————————————————
    A psychiatrist is a person who will give you
    expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
    –Anonymous
    —————————————————————-
    Bachelors know more about women than married men;
    if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
    –H. L. Mencken

    ——————————————————————-
    Men have a better time than women;
    for one thing, they marry later;
    for another thing, they die earlier.
    H. L. Mencken
    ——————————————————————
    Marriage is a three ring circus:
    –engagement ring
    —wedding ring
    —suffering
    ————————————————————-
    When a newly married couple smiles,
    everyone knows why.
    When a ten-year married couple
    smiles, everyone wonders why.
    ————————————————————-
    Love is blind but marriage is an
    eye-opener.
    —————————————————————
    When a man opens the door of his car
    for his wife, You can be sure of one thing:
    either the car is new or the wife.
    ————————————————————–
    I asked my wife, “Where do you want
    to go for our anniversary?”
    She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
    I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
    —————————————————
    We always hold hands.
    If I let go, she shops.
    ———————————
    My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours
    That was only for the estimate.
    ——————————–
    She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
    Then the mud fell off.
    ——————————————
    She ran after the garbage truck,yelling, “Am I
    too late for the garbage?”
    Following her down the street I
    yelled, “No, jump in!”
    —————————————
    If your dog is barking at the back
    door and your wife is yelling at the front door,
    who do you let in first?
    The Dog of course…at least he’ll
    shut up after you let him in!

    ——————————————————————–
    A man placed some flowers on the
    grave of his dearly departed mother and started
    back toward his car when his attention was diverted to
    another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with
    profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why
    did you have to die?
    Why did you have to die?”
    The first man approached him and
    said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your
    private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more
    than I’ve ever seen before.
    For whom do you mourn so deeply? A
    child? A parent?”
    The mourner took a moment to collect
    himself, then replied, “My wife’s first
    husband.”
    —————————————-
    A couple came upon a wishing well.
    The husband leaned over,
    made a wish and threw in a penny.
    The wife decided to make a wish, too.
    But she leaned over too
    much, fell into the well, and drowned.
    The husband was stunned for a while
    but then smiled “It Really works!”
    —————————————————————————-

  • Social Family

    Maria a beautiful Latina fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa.

    Papa told her, “Maria, you’ll have to find another. Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother”. So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.

    But after telling papa again, he said, “Maria there’s trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo, my darling. Please don’t tell your mother, but Ricardo is your half-brother too.”

    Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said “My darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you are not related to Papa.”