Category: Misc

This is a conversation that took place between a person(Y) in the
public and a marketing guy(X).

X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X(Frustrated): O.k. tell me, What is this Baba? Is it an
international company???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Scroll down!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Y: No, He is my roommate.

Ha ha ha !!!!!!

When things go wrong,

When sadness fills your heart,

When tears flow in your eyes,

Just let me know,

Because, I want to be there for you,

Because!

*
**One of my friends is selling * *Tissue Papers* * *

*Buy 1, Get 1 Free…** hhhhhhhheeeee………. hhhhaaaaaa!!!*

The 4-year holiday called engineering

20 things common to all engg colleges:
1). The lecturers dont teach.The students dont study.The only guy who
benefits is the one who owns the ‘dhaba’ next to the college.

2).Rules are made to be broken.

3).Promises are made to be broken.
4).Deadlines are made to be extended…ALWAYS!
5).Guys always think the chics in the college next lane are more beautiful.
5).The geeks are the most pampered lot during the internal exams.
6).The lab assistants are the most respected people(during the lab exams i.e)
7).The watchmen are the people most bribed.
8).The HOD is the! person most respected(heights of sycophancy here).
9).The principal is the person most abused and insulted(behind the back i.e)
10).Dropping subjects is ‘cool’.(arre yaar..drop the idea of dropping
subjects plzz).
11).There is always a lecturer in the college who cant speak proper ‘english’.
12).Night-out is the second most important tool to ace the exams.

13).The most important tool..the bhramastra..is the ‘chit’ in which
the words can be understood only by the person who wrote them(in most
of the cases i.e)
14).The freshers are the most sought after..be it in the canteen,the
‘free’ periods or for completing the records,assignments.
15).The second-years are the ones with the ‘I am the
don-of-the-college’ feeling.
16).The third years are the ones with the ‘so-many-backlogs’ feeling
and the poor
souls get down to studying after bossing around in the college for so
long.but the fun still continues.(I gave 22 exams last year!!).
17).The fourth years have no connectio! n with the college
whatsoever…with no interest in ragging,pulling each other`s legs,the
bday parties,the bday bums et al which they enjoyed so much till
now.All they want is a good placement and a ‘1st-class’ tag attached
to their memo.
19).The first three years are spent in cursing the college,the people
there,the system et al.
20).But towards the end of the fourth year,people tend to feel
nostalgic abt the pure unadulterated fun they have had for 4 years.Now
the very system they disliked,the very canteen they cursed,the time
that they spent there,the bday bums they suffered..all these seem like
heaven to them.

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo….

One was caught watching TV….

Another playing football…

and the third one……..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

No, its not you…

Why do you always think you are a monkey??

The third one is still missing…

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine
article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor’s around is
now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has
own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a
burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and
understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my
family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of
my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to
harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and
short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our
lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social
responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society……………..
(etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in
excellent working condition.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the
post of wife after marriage. The person whom I’m looking for should be
strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to
support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to
surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any
objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in
limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event
of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed
applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her
feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul.
And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

SHAAYAR
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda
ho jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka…………… joh kurrey
sarey sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ……… Kyoon key yaroo ub khud
ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl – 5’8′ & 36′ 24′ 36′ with a good head for figures. She
must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature
should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her
family.

SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl’s father should preferably have a drinks factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can
carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks
for trial. Sample should be ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I’m calling from
base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not
necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.

BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee
dey dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be
homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if
you feel the need for a second opinion then it’s fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able
to keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I’m searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to
share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them
from Hyderabad.

Jayalalithaism

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,”Ammaaaaaaa…” and fall at
your feet.

Karunanidhiism

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your
nephew.

Gandhism

You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.

Indiraism

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism

You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your
mouth.

Rajivism

You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism:

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project

plan)

3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client
the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)

8 . Redo step 4

9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from
bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance

Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and
get ready for next release repeat from step 1)

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

———————————

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.

———————————

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

———————————

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

———————————

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

———————————

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?

———————————

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

———————————

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ….. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the
best feel-good food around!

———————————

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

———————————

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT .

An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

One Chinese gymnast = India’s Gold Medal tally since 1896

Sushmita Sen – 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song
in Hindi movie.

Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own

production company = Kajol

Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mom’s favorite serials.

Amitabh Bachchan – Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan – Talent.

Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

1 person – shirt = Salman Khan

1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four Hundred
Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace
= One Sooraj Barjataya Film.

Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter that was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces: “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!”

As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large splash!

There was one guy in the pool swimming with all his might, the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed, he said, “My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?”

The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!”