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Self Made Man

A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the
new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the
guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"

The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."

"I am."

"Well, why did you make yourself ugly like that?"

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Indian Matrimony

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail…

- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Somesha , I am single i dont have Famale, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Somesha ~*~

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Fridge

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.

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Don't mess With Children

These are sooooo cute and you will chuckle!!

7 reasons not to mess with a child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a

whale to swallow a human because even though it was

a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a

whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could

not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask

Jonah".

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Selling Cola in Arab

One day I met a friend of mine. He was a salesman for a Cola company,
posted in the Middle East. Seeing him back home,
I got surprised and asked," Weren't you supposed to be in Arabia?"

He gave his account thus.
"I got posted in the Middle East. I was very confident that I will make a
good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown
there. But I had a problem as I didn't know to speak Arabic. So I planned
to convey the message through pictures. I
made 3 posters:

First - A man crawling through the hot desert sand totally exhausted and
panting.

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What Indian guys do when they stay alone with a gal?

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded in the middle
of nowhere.

2 Italian men and 1 italian woman
2 French men and 1 french woman
2 German men and 1 german woman
2 Greek men and 1 greek woman
2 Polish men and 1 polish woman
2 Mexican men and 1 mexican woman
2 Irish men and 1 irish woman
2 American men and 1 american woman
2 Indian men and 1 indian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island the following was observed.

A- one italian killed the other italian man for the italian woman.

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Some Application and Leave Letters

1. A candidate's application: "This has reference to
your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or
Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle
both, I am applying for
the post.

2. An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I
have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please
sanction me one week leave.

3. Another employee applied for half day leave as
follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground and I may not
return,
please grant me half day casual leave"

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Telugu Movie Direction

How ridiculous can direction get! Here is a sample. This describes three
scenes in the movie "Sambhavi IPS" starring the ACTION heroine
VijayShanti.

Courtesy: www.fullhyd.com
Link : http://www.fullhyderabad.com/scripts/profiles.php3?section=Movies&name=S...

Sambhavi IPS
------------

Cast : Vijayashanti, Telangana Shakuntala, Costume Krishna
Director: Nageshwara Rao

SCENE 1
-------
Vijayashanti has three thugs chasing her. She has only one bullet in her
pistol. She takes out a knife and places it before the gun. The bullet

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Professor Plumber

One professor of mathematics noticed that his
kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The
plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and
everything was working as before. The professor was delighted.
However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute
later, he was shocked.
"This is one third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.
Well, he paid and then the plumber said to him:
"I understand your position as a professor.
Why don't you come to our company and apply for a plumber
position? You will earn three times as much as a
professor.

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Garden Plow

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux, who is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood logs."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

Next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They search the
shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of
wood, but find no marijuana. They glare at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.

"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"

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