Category: Technical

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He announced that
Microsoft plans to release a Windows 2000 version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in Khirkiyan 2000.

Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save As
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Chuno = Select
Sab Chuno = Select All
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Dak = Mail
Dakiya = Mailer
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Dhoor se dhekho = Zoom out
Kholo = Open
Band Karo = Close
Naya = New
Badli karo = Replace
Bhaago = Run
Chaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Chipkao = Paste
Ispesal Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Auzaar = Tools
Auzaar ka dabba = Toolbar
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
Ghusao = Insert
Ped = Tree
Thooso = Compress
Chooha = Mouse
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar. Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
Chal Phoot = Exit

CALL CENTRE JOBS: PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY R PAID SO MUCH……FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK

1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”

2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

3).Customer:: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer:: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”

4).Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou
see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”

6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer:: “A white one.”

7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer:: “How do you spell that?”

8). Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.”

9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”

10). Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”

11).Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”

12).Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”

13). Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

14). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24
hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

15). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”

16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an
undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

Grab a coffee and read this, it will put some perspective back into your
day…

An unemployed man went to apply for a job with Microsoft thinking his
best chance was as a janitor.

The employment manager arranged for him to take an aptitude test per the
company guide line: (Section XYZ: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager said, “You will be employed at minimum wage,
$5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you
information and authorization to report for work on your first day.

Taken aback, the man protested that he had neither a computer nor an
e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, “Well, then, that means
that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be
employed, certainly not at Microsoft!

Stunned, the man left. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in
his wallet, he decided to buy a 25 lb box of tomatoes at the
supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sold all the tomatoes
individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more
that day, he ended up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night.

And thus it dawned on him that he could quite easily make a living
selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he
multiplied his profits quickly. After a short time he acquired a cart to
transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, and acquired his inventory
wholesale only to have to trade it in again on pick-up truck to support
his expanding business.

By the end of the second year, he was the owner of a fleet of pick-up
trucks and managed a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all
selling tomatoes in various communities.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decided to buy some
life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picked an
insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the detailed
conversation, the insurance agent asked him for his e-mail address in
order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replied that he had no e-mail, the adviser is stunned,
“What, you don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass
such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine
where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from
the very start!”

After a moment of thought, the wealthy tomato dealer replied, “Why, of
course! I would be $5.15 an hour a floor cleaner at Microsoft!”

Moral of this story:
1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.
2. If you don’t have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a
millionaire.
3. Seeing that you got this story via e-mail, you’re probably closer to
becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.
4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to
the cleaners by Microsoft.

People are advised not to spend too much time sitting before computer
system because the following things may happen in their future.

1. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

2. When counting objects, 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D..

3. At the superstore, you check to see if a kilogram is 1024 grams, a
litre is 1024 mls.

4. When you dream, you are going to dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

5. When your wife says “If you don’t turn off that damn machine and come
to sleep, then I am going to divorce you!”, you are going to scream at her
for omitting the “else” clause.

6. You try to sleep, and think : sleep(8 * 60 * 60); /* sleep for 8 hours */

7. When you are reading a book, you would look for the scroll bar to get
to the next page.

8. If you want to call somebody you pick up the phone and start dialling
an IP number…

9. You are going to look for an icon to double-click, to open your
bedroom window.

10. When you go to balance your check book, you would discover that
you’ll be doing the math in octal.

11.You would look for a trash can icon to throw garbage.

12.When you get in the elevator you would double-click the button for the
floor you want to go.

List of some “funny” responses from Linux when you mis-enter “appropriate”

$ cat “food in cans”

cat: can’t open food in cans

$ nice man woman

No manual entry for woman.

$ rm God

rm: God nonexistent

$ ar t God

ar: God does not exist

$ ar r God

ar: creating God

$ make love

Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

$ sleep early today

bad character

$ got a light?

No match.

$ man: why did you get a divorce?

man:: Too many arguments.

$ !:say, what is saccharine?

Bad substitute.

$ drink bottle: cannot open

opener: not found