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New Isms

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them
from Hyderabad.

Jayalalithaism

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at
your feet.

Karunanidhiism

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your
nephew.

Gandhism

You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism

Category: 
Misc

Men Are Hard To Please

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

Category: 
Genders

My Kind of a Doctor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

---------------------------------

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

Category: 
Misc

Ultra PJ

An ant knocks the door of a house. House owner opens the door.
"I want a place to stay", said the ant .
"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost",
said the owner.
Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room. After some days,
the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner "Can you
please allow this ant to stay along with me".
"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent" said the owner.
After some days the ant brought one more ant and requested the
owner to allow that ant to stay with it. Owner agreed to it without

Category: 
Poor Jokes

Witty One Liners

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in
mud.
After a while you realize that while you are getting
dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember
you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong
answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.

Behind every successful woman, is a man who is
surprised.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know

Category: 
One Liners

Day With The Elephant

How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A:Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would
be an Aspirin.

NO NO!! Carry on...you can still read it!!!

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it fell asleep.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was a copy cat.

Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought this was all a game.

Category: 
Poor Jokes

Awesome PJ

A guy gets pissed off with his professor. Later he goes to canteen and
orders a paav-bhaji. When he lifts the paav for eating.... he sees
"Jannath" beneath the paav.

So based on the above explained conditions can anyone expect the sir's
name?

Scroll down for the answer........

Answer: "Ishq ki chau"

can neone explain why???

scroll down again for the explanation....

explanation: As per the song in Dil Se "Ginke sir ho Ishq ki chau, paav ke
niche jannath hogi".... that's why..... ;))))))))

Category: 
Poor Jokes

New Element In Periodic Table

A new element called woman:

A new element has to be added in the Periodic Table
which is recommended by my experienced friend.

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden
Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from
35 - 200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with thin painted film
2. Boils at room Temperature
3. Freezes without any known reason
4. Melts if given special treatment
5. Bitter if incorrectly used

Category: 
Genders

Jokes on Man And Woman

FUNERAL
-------

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's really your pa."

FAMILY PROBLEMS
---------------

Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation.

Category: 
Genders

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