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New Isms


You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them
from Hyderabad.


You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at
your feet.


You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your


You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.


You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.


You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.



Men Are Hard To Please

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;


My Kind of a Doctor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and


Crazy Question and Answer

Crazy Q & A

1) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

2) My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs.

3) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man
beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue
would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you
say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a
good cook.

5). Manager: Sorry,but i can't give u a job. I
don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just


Some good punch lines

Some great punch lines
1. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

2. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

3. If I save time, when do I get it back?

4. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

5. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

6. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

7. The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

8. As I said before, I never repeat myself.

9. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.


Sher Shayari

1) tum aa gaye ho ;
noor aa gaya hai
chalo teeno movie chalen

2) Maine tujhe sau-sau khat likhe,
tune kisi ka bhi jawab nahi diya;
kahin tere dil mein raddi ki tokri to nahi?

3) Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha
Paas gaya. to bheeg gaya.

4) jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi
jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi
dil ne kaha khud kushi(sucide) kar le jalim
bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi

5) Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main,
badi joshh ke sath !
Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main,


Stupid Questions and Smart Answers


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!




Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you
wake up today?

1)Pray, so that u may live... 2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!


Can u pronounce good English:- read along woof, roof, loof, shoof,

woof, loof, roof, poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.

Test results:

U r a good dog. Now stop barking.



Stupid Question and Answer

10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some
equally stupid answers:-

1. At the movies:
When you meet quaintances/friends Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing
A: Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some
advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus:
A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
A: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia why don't you try again or
should i try this time."

3. At a funeralne of the teary-eyed people



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