Jokes

Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to form two queues one Line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

What is Tension?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’

THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.

You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’

Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’

YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.

Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father?

EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.

Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a SHREDDER with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need another photocopy "

Nine words women use...

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.