Category: Jokes

For quite sometime, I have been collecting a large number of jokes and funny articles (especially through mails). I felt that these have to be shared with everyone.

  • A Small Story

    Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess! But there was a problem Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, “If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.”

    The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

    The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and surely, it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed..

    The third prince approached. He told the princess, “Put your hand in the bag and feel what is in there.” The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!

    The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

    But The Question Is : What was the object the prince had in the bag?

    ( scroll down )











































    They were Britannia Little Hearts of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

  • The Success Of Marriage

    Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage
    anniversary.  

    They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in
    their period of 25 years.  

    Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret
    of their well known “happy going marriage”.  

    Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?
    ”  

    Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:  

    “We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.  

    Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on
    different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife
    was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped
    suddenly, making my wife topple over.  

    Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and
    said “This is your first time”. She again climbed the horse and continued
    with the ride. After a while, it happened again.. This time she again kept
    calm and said “This is your second time” and continued.  

    When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver
    from the purse and shot the horse dead!!  

    I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor
    animal. Are you crazy?”.  

    She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”  

    Husband:”That’ s it. We are happy ever after “

  • Men Who Follow Wife’s Words

    Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says, “I want the men to form two queues one Line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk.”

    Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

    God gets mad and says, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

    The man replies, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

  • Missing Husband

    A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

    Woman: I lost my husband
    Inspector: What is his height
    Woman: I never noticed
    Inspector: Slim or healthy
    Woman: Not slim can be healthy
    Inspector: Color of eyes
    Woman: Never noticed
    Inspector: Color of hair
    Woman: Should be black
    Inspector: What was he wearing
    Woman: I don’t remember exactly
    Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
    Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.

    The woman started crying
    Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!

  • What is Tension?

    What is Tension?

    A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.

    Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’

    THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.

    You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’

    Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’

    YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.

    Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father?

    EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.

    Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”

    THIS IS REAL TENSION. ☺

  • World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

    World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

    Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’ The girl said, ‘NO!’ And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

    The end

  • Never assume that BOSS knows everything!

    A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a SHREDDER with a piece of paper in his hand.

    “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?”

    “Certainly, Sir” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

    “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need another photocopy ”

    Moral of the story: never, never assume that BOSS knows everything!

  • Men Heard To Please

    Men Are Hard To Please …….VERY VERY TRUE

    The problems with GUYS:
    If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
    If u Don’t , he says u are PROUD .
    If u DRESS Nicely , he says u are trying to LURE him;
    If u Don’t , he says u are from VILLAGE .
    If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
    If u keep QUIET , he says u have no B RAINS .
    If u are SMARTER than him, he’ll lose FACE ;
    If he’s Smarter than u, he is GREAT .
    If u don’t L ove him, he tries to POSSESS u;
    If u Lovehim! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
    If u tell him your PROBLEM , he says u are TROUBLESOME ;
    If u don’t , he says that u don’t TRUST him.
    If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
    If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
    If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED ;
    If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
    If u SMOKE , u are BAD girl;
    If he S MOKES , he is GENTLEMAN.
    If u do WELLin your exams, he says it’s LUCK ;
    If he does WELL, it’s BRAINS .
    If u HURThim, u are CRUEL ;
    If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
    & sooo hard to please !!!!!

    If u send this to guys, they will swear that it’s not true …….
    but if u don’t, they say u are selfish …..
    The moral of the story is …….

    SEND THIS TO GUYS OUT THERE ANYWAY …

    Send it to girls also, gives them some laughter …..

  • Nine Words Women Use

    Nine words women use…

    1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
    2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
    3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
    4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
    5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
    6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
    7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
    8. Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying F@!K YOU!
    9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to #3.
  • Confessions of a man

    Got this as a forward from someone …


    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

    I said “WHAT????!!! What was that?!”

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went home. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

    She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT???!!!” I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

    Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.