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How many Bars?

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

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Fridge

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.

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Indian Matrimony

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail…

- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Somesha , I am single i dont have Famale, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Somesha ~*~

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Self Made Man

A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the
new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the
guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"

The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."

"I am."

"Well, why did you make yourself ugly like that?"

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The Coffin

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry
and resentful about her situation, she had decided that she
would rather die than to live another year in prison. Over the
years she had become good friends with one of the prison
caretakers.

His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died
in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner
died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone.
The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket.

Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before

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James Bond vs. Hyderabad Guy

James Bond vs. INDIAN Hyderabad guy

James Bond Style: The character James Bond has a peculiar style of introducing himself by calling first Bond, then followed by great smile & finally James Bond.

His style is absolutely killing but he doesn't know the consequences when he meets our great south indian guy.

When Bond meets a Hyderabad guy

James Bond: "My name's Bond...(smiles and then says).... James Bond."

James Bond: "And you?"

Telugu Guy : "I am Sai...

Venkata Sai...

Siva Venkata Sai...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai....

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Big John

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and
drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few
people
got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,
built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the
driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically
meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he
wasn't

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Me

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a
child's whispered, "Hello?" "Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again, the small voice whispered, "No."

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Gifts

Four brothers left home for college, and they
became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years
later,they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the
gifts
they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in
another
city.
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in
the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you

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