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Interviews

E - Employee, C - Candidate

Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company
don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of
u.

Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a
girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This

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Project Proposal

Programmer to Team Leader :

"We can't do this proposed project.**CAN NOT**. It will involve a major
design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy
system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this
application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it,
they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take
these type of projects."

Team Leader to Project Manager :

"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have

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Some wonderful sayings

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
THAT'S relativity.
- Albert Einstein

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The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up in the morning
and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.
- Franklin P. Jones

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Fried Eggs

Fried Eggs

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some
more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!"
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh, my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful!! CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.

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Delivery Interpretations

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women
can deliver a baby in
One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks a single woman
cannot deliver a baby in
nine months.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman
can deliver nine
babies
in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a
baby.
5) Marketing manager is a person who thinks I can
deliver a child whether a
man and woman is available or not.
6) Resource optimization team thinks I don't need a
man or woman, i'll
still
produce a child with zero resources.

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Third Monkey

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo....

One was caught watching TV....

Another playing football...

and the third one........

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No, its not you...

Why do you always think you are a monkey??

The third one is still missing...

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Newton Laws Refined

Law 1 .Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or
forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.

Law 2 . The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the
payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when
deadline force is applied.

Law 3 . For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite
Software Implementation.

Bonus :-) Law 4.
Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It
can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in

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Funniest Matrimonial Ads

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine
article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is
now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has
own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a
burden upon the national interest.

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Cyber Age Movie Story

Cyber Age Movie Story

Hero is a software engineer. He does not have a life worth speaking
of. He spends eighteen hours a day in the office working and browsing
the net.

Heroine is a software engineer in the same company. She does not have
a life either. She spends eight hours in front of her PC, thirteen
hours in front of the TV and the remaining, sleeping.

One day, Hero meets Heroine in a staff meeting. They argue endlessly
about the insanity of Microsoft applications.. especially Outlook
2003.

Couple of such fights later, Heroine is found drinking coffee with

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Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take One

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass Is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in
his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the

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