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Funniest Matrimonial Ads

Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine
article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is
now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has
own house, car and successful career!

I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a
burden upon the national interest.

Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and
understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my
family unit.

Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of
my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.

Wife wanted for company.

I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to
harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and
short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our
lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social
responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society.................
(etc etc and never getting to the point)

Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in
excellent working condition.

Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the
post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be
strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to
support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to
surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any
objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in
limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event
of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed
applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her
feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul.
And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda
ho jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey
sarey sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud
ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.

Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She
must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature
should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can
carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks
for trial. Sample should be ample.

Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from
base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not
necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.

Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee
dey dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!

Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be
homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if
you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares
wins. Camouflage provided.

A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able
to keep pace!

I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to
share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!


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