Witty One Liners

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in
mud.
After a while you realize that while you are getting
dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember
you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong
answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.

Behind every successful woman, is a man who is
surprised.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know
where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.

I'm not a complete idiot, there're still some parts
missing!

Forgive your enemies but remember their names!

The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a
piece of my finger to my father.
- He said he wanted more proof.

Some pain is physical
and some is mental,
but one that's both is
dental.